


Don't Know If I Believe

by Princeton



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, PataterWeek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 15:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9664097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princeton/pseuds/Princeton
Summary: Kent wakes up earlier than he's supposed to and finds a crying Alexei Mashkov in his living room.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I only had 4 fics for Patater Week and this is the last one.  
> I've had a lot of fun writing these and I hope I've at least entertained yah all one way or another.  
> Todays prompt was snuggling/cuddling.  
> 

Kent woke up to a black sky and lonely bed. He wasn't exactly sure whether it was morning or night but his bones ached that way they did when he slept funny. So as he got out of bed, crossed his bedroom, and entered his bathroom, he moved carefully. He made sure to avoid tripping over the leg of his bed or hitting the door. There was already one nasty bruise on his shin from the night prior, he didn't need another.

Inside his bathroom and over the sink, Kent combed his fingers through his hair. He mumbled the occasional 'fuck' and 'ow' when he got caught in a pesky knot, but eventually he could card his hand through his blond flow without trouble. Brushes made his hair frizzy and Kent went to far lengths to keep them out of his regime. When he had initially started growing out his hair it'd been unintentional. Time had slipped past him while he'd worried abut his season with the Aces and some personal matters. By the time he'd been chirped about constantly having to push his bangs out the way, he figured why not? Kent liked the waves that rested against his jaw and the fact that his cowlicks could easily be straightened. Plus, Alexei had a hair pulling kink that Kent was delighted to share.

Now, with his hair tied back in a half ponytail, Kent proceeded with his morning routine. He flossed and brushed his teeth, splashed his face with cool water, and dried himself off with a decorative towel Alexei had put up. Then, for the first time in about two weeks, he opened his medicine cabinet and took his medication.

Ever since Kent had been a teenager he'd been taking a pill for something. He took one for anxiety, one for ADHD, one for his bipolar disorder, and thanks to finding his ex-boyfriend barely conscious on the floor before the day of drafts, one for PTSD. Sometimes the medication made him feel worse than better, and other times they made him feel almost normal. And when the latter happened for a consecutive period of time, Kent liked to try and taper his doses. He'd get to thinking he didn't need them anymore.

"I'm better!" He'd tell his doctor.

"You're only better because your new dosage is working," he'd be told.

Kent never listened, though. He'd stop taking his medication and for the first few days he'd feel the same. He could sleep and play and date the same. He could sit through an interview and keep his cocky façade up. He could even FaceTime Alexei and convince him he was alright. But then his nightmares would start coming back and there were days between hockey matches that Kent spent in bed, not happy but not sad, either. It was always the same and Kent never learned.

Once minty fresh and medicated, Kent walked back to his bedroom. He may not have known whether what plagued the dark sky outside was a result of waking up too early or waking up too late, but he knew Alexei should have been in bed with him either way. He slipped on a pair of glasses rather than struggling with contacts and went looking for him.

The apartment wasn't that big. Technically, and only if Kent ignored the fact that it felt more like a home than a house, this apartment was a large step down from the three-story penthouse sky suite he owned in Vegas. In Vegas he had three bedrooms and five bathrooms and more space than he needed for himself and Kit. There, he could look out the windows and see a beautifully lit up view of the city. But there he slept alone and thought ugly thoughts like how none of it should have belonged to him in the first place.

Kent liked this apartment more. He'd rented it with Alexei in mind. A small spot signed for under a pseudo name and for days on which they wanted to run away together. Usually that meant the off-season or overlapping breaks.

  
Staying close to the hall wall, Kent walked out his bedroom and past the guestroom, the powder room. He made a turn to enter the living room when the sounds of wet sniffles and incomprehensible Russian stopped him in his tracks.

"Baby?" Kent whispered and Alexei's head shot up.

Alexei had been sitting on their cream couch with his head buried in his hands. At the sound of Kent's voice; however, he quickly stood up. "Kenny," he wiped away the tears he cried and smiled, "You're awake! I'm thinking you sleep in like always."

"I wasn't sleepy anymore. I thought," Kent felt his muscles tense, "Were you just crying?"

The answer was an obvious yes but Alexei laughed and it sounded like the ones Kent heard when they were wrapped up in bed and watching Netflix.

 _Real_.

"No, no my princess. You seeing things." He fixed the pillows he'd been hunched over and spoke at the same time. "Want me to make breakfast? Or maybe we go out? Pancake Cottage is not open yet but Aunt Mimi's should be. She always open early. I wonder when she sleeps. We should ask when we go. You know, I know woman back home that-"

"Alexei?" Kent tried again. He only used Alexei's actual name when things were serious; otherwise, he kept to 'Xi or baby or some poorly pronounced Russian pet name. It always managed to get his boyfriend's attention.

Well, almost always. Today Kent had to pry himself from the wall and take the blue pillow from his boyfriends hand to get him to look him in the eyes.

"Princess-"

"Why?" Kent cut him off. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying," Alexei countered.

"Yes you are."

"I'm okay."

"But you were crying."

"I'm okay."

Kent bit the inside of his cheek. Alexei was always honest with him. Even when language got in the way and Kent couldn't entirely understand what Alexei wanted to say, he always found a way to explain himself. Alexei made sure his emotions came across crystal clear. He told Kent when something made him mad. He told Kent when something made him happy. All in all, it was something the blond loved about him because he never had to worry about being shut out. But as Alexei continued to protest and press that there was nothing bothering him, Kent realized he'd been wrong. That Alexei wasn't as honest as Kent thought he was.

"Is this because of last night?" He guessed.

Last night had been Kent's 10th day off his medication. Kent was supposed to be enjoying his break but he'd been called in for an interview, which he couldn't decline without someone getting mad with him. But not only had he been asked invasive questions he had to repeatedly decline to answer, but then on the way back home there'd been traffic. His drive had been extended by an hour. By the time Kent reached home, nudged off his shoes, and dropped his keys on the ceramic bowl by the kitchen bar, all he'd wanted was to eat easy mac, shower, and maybe snuggle with Alexei. But as he'd kicked off his shoes and walked to the kitchen he'd been cornered by the Russian.

Alexei had spoken up about noticing that Kent hadn't been taking his medication lately. "The bottles are full but Target called to say that is time for refill. You don't need refill, Kenny. You skip one day, I understand. But there are too many left."

That had struck a nerve. Kent had yelled that it was none of Alexei's business and then, then he couldn't remember what he'd said, but Alexei eventually calmed him down and carried him to bed.

"I made you cry?" Kent's eyebrows furrowed.

"No! No. I mean, not your fault, Kenny. I know you not mean what you say. Only sometimes can't help getting mad, right? So I'm not blaming you. It's okay."

"But it's not!" Kent insisted. He tried to ignore the way Alexei flinched but the reaction was too hard to play off. Alexei was afraid of him, Kent thought, of how sometimes he shouted and cried and said spiteful things he couldn't remember later. "I'm hurting you," Alexei shook his head no. "Yes I am, 'Xi."

"I know you not mean it, though. I know this!"

"Alexei?"

"It's just. It hurts so much, princess. It," Alexei looked near tears again, "Sorry... I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

"I know," Alexei squeezed his eyes closed.

With Alexei's hands still pressed to his, Kent could feel his boyfriend shaking. He proceeded to lead him back onto the couch; carefully moving so that Alexei could wrap his arms around his waist and snuggle in closer all at his own pace.

Alexei pressed against Kent's ribs. His words were muddled as he spoke between hiccups and tears but Kent could make out a string of, "I'm sorry," in repeat.

"Stop apologizing," Kent rubbed circles on Alexei's back, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I'm supposed to be strong, Kenny. I'm promise you I'd take care of you," Alexei turned his head to the side to take a deep breath.

"I know, but you also promised you'd tell me when something was wrong. You don't need to hide this. 'Xi, baby," Kent urged Alexei to look at him. When their gazes linked, Alexei's eyes held a sort of desperation Kent remembered his own having after Jack had told him never to come near him again. It hurt to see such pain in his boyfriends eyes. "I love you," Kent thumbed the tear tracks on Alexei's cheeks, "You need to tell me when I hurt you."

"But you didn't mean to. You just weren't taking medicine and it make you say things."

"What about the other times I was taking my medicine and got mad? Did you cry then, too?"

Alexei nodded.

"Then there's no excuse, 'Xi. Sick or not sick, you don’t need to cry on your own and pretend everything is okay when I show up. Okay?"

"Okay," Alexei repeated.

Wrapped around each other like personal heaters, Kent let time spill. He felt the sound of Alexei's sobs turn slow then stop when he fell asleep. Kent stayed with him, trying to remember why he'd woken up early and thanking God he had.

"I'm the one that's sorry," Kent whispered as they lay together. "I promise I won't let this happen again."

Eight months later, Kent thought he was better. He didn't need his medication.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's a wrap.  
> My work is unbeta'ed so let me know if you spotted something funky.  
> Kudos and comments really make my day, btw!


End file.
